PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
