You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
