i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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