I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
