I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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