i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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