omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
