guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
