So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
