Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
