Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ladies don't puke and tell
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
