i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
