Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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