I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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