Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
