YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
