I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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