you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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