no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
