my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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