It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
