sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The best revenge is premature balding
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
