Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
