No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
