That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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