guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
