I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
