It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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