Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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