Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
