They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
