Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
