It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
