I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Panties = found
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