I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
