Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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