She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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