Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
