his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
