we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am one with the molecules
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
as a side note pls kill me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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