its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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