Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
