The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Drake has all the answers
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
