He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
