Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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