you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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