I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
