we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
