I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
