so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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